Wednesday, 25 June 2008

That's what little girls are made of!

It is so hard being a parent sometimes and trying to do the right thing by your own kids is even harder. Let me explain...
I was often teased at school, I was the fat one at the back of the class, I was the last one to be chosen for the team when we did PE, even by my so called friends. I was the one never invited to the birthday party. I am not being maudlin, it was just the way it was and I put on a brave face and got on with it. I have tried to instill in my daughter that she must be kind to others and treat everyone as she would like to be treated. That is such a cliche, but it is something that I firmly believe in. Live, and let live, is my motto..another cliche I'm afraid. Where is all this leading????......... well..

I had a mother telephone me last night to say that her daughter is being bullied at school by someone in their class. Her little one has red hair and is being teased mercilously about it. She rang the parents of the child in question and spoke to the girl's father. He, in turn spoke to his daughter who said that yes, she had said and done some of the things she was accused of, but...and it is a BIG BUT, apparently it was my daughter that had made her do it! By now my heart is sinking into my boots. I know my own daughter and I know that she just isn't like that, but then don't all parents say that about their own children? The thing is that I just know in my heart that she wouldn't do something like that. She may not challenge the one doing the bullying or speak up for the victim which is a flaw in her character I admit. But we are talking 9 year old children here! So why all the fuss I hear you mutter, it is just a playground thing, but we have a little girl crying because she doesn't want to go to school and her mother trying to make it better for her.

I spoke to IM this morning and she is adamant that she has said nothing to this poor girl and I believe her. The thing about IM is that she hasn't learn't the art of cunning yet, if she has done something wrong, she will always own up. AAARGGH, I hear some of you say perhaps, but it is true. However, I also now have one very upset little girl who doesn't want to go to school either and I am trying to make it better for her too, trying to explain why her supposed friend would lie, because I am firmly of the opinion that, confronted by her father, that is exactly what she has done to save her own skin. When you think about it rationally, how many children would do just that if they were afraid of the implications of telling the truth.

So where do I go from here? Do I telephone the father, who is of the opinion that his daughter is protecting IM? Frankly, it is IM and the beautiful little red head who need the protection, but he is not going to believe that is he? I know from other parent's that their children have been on the receiving end of her spiteful ways in the past. What do I tell the Mother, how do I make her believe my daughter's version of events. I say that IM didn't do it and he has said the same of his. All she knows is that her little one is devestated and can't face going into the classroom. It's a dilemma..... it's life I hear you why, does it have to be so difficult!


On an entirely different track now, look at these little beauties. Cath Kidson, IN TESCO!! I know, unbloomin believable I hear you scream in delight! Spied them on the rack and thought from a distance that they looked rather nice. Like a moth to a flame. Discovered the Cath Kidson label and had to do a double take. They are made from recycled bottles, not sure how that works, but WHO CARES! Total yumminess. Had to buy both and at £3.50 each with some of the proceeds going to charity, yippppppppppeeeeeeeeee! But hush, keep it a secret between ourselves. Once those people on ebay find out, they will be alongside the Sainsbury Anya Hindmarch bag for 3 squillion pounds each. Read the blog about the Laura Ashley throw! (Lavenderhearts on my side bar).

Which one is my favourite? Mmm, let me see, I think I love the blue best, although the floral is equally as sweet, but then the blue is so........Oh I could just hold one in each hand and have done with it!



Lavender hearts said...

hehe, I think I would wear one on each shoulder too. I prefer the blue polka do one. I think the pop style print of hers is my least favourite. i prefer the more traditional floral prints. not bad for £3.50 are they?1

Curlew Country said...

Oh Dev what a tricky situation. I really sympathise with your school expereience, mine was ever so similar!

You know your own child best. Perhaps IM could befriend the little red-haired girl if they're not already pals? If it were me I'd ring her mum, explain what you truly feel has happened and see if your two girls could become good friends. Perhaps have her round for tea or something? As for the other girl, well, I'd just draw back from her dad and her and concentrate on building bonds between your daughter and the girl havign a tough time.
Sorry if that's a bit long winded, I think the best antidote to bullying is friendships and the more the better, these things soon change and hopefully will pass over very soon.
Have a smashing weekend,
Stephx - oooooh I don't often go to Tesco but I feel a trip coming on!

Marja Kristiina said...

First, I HAVE TO ask: where does their teacher(s) come in in all of this? In Finland that's what you would do, talk to the teacher and have her/him set up a meeting with the kids and parents involved. Of this meeting I would definitely exclude you and IM as you've done nothing wrong and aren't a part of it in any way, really. And although I know that you want to help the lovely little redhead and her mother, is that really your responsibility? I know it kind of is, as a fellow mom, but I mean, really? You're a kind-hearted woman but please, do not take upon yourself something that you needn't.

Bullying is one of the worst things I know and have experienced, and it's not just school. There are bullies everywhere. I've encountered a few at work and even been 'friends' with one for a while until I had enough.

Extremely tricky, I admit. I truly hope that this will be sorted out, with or without your help. It sounds to me as though you're having a hard time with the situation due to your own school memories that now have evoked those feelings of helplessness, anger and frustration you must have felt as a child.